Have you ever (however fleetingly) thought what life would have been like if you’d been with someone else instead of the one you’re with? For some this is a constant question, always wondering what it would be like to “trade up”. Still others might view relationships like a perpetual Easter egg hunt; always on the look-out for the next one. How about good old Jerry, his epic desperately uttered lines of “you complete me” where one half is always limping along looking for the other half.
No one gets it “right” or finds the “perfect” mate because there’s no such thing and if you think that, then likely, you also think you’re a never-changing, static being.
Caveat: If this were true, you’d be the colour brown and if I visited you today and found you in your lazy boy watching the tube—I’d surely find you the exact same way 40 years later—only now you likely have Parkinson’s or some dementing illness.
Everything and everyone changes constantly—even you. If you try to stop this, or control it, you’re in denial of the natural process of live.
The most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. You get that one right and the rest will fall into place. Learning that you’re already whole with—awareness and consciousness—and that these two “halves” are in continuous intermingling flux is all you need. Use both parts equally and you’re laughin’.
Then you won’t have to be like Jerry; on the hunt for his “other half”, his prosthetic self. When we deny one aspect for another (and it’s usually awareness that we pretend we don’t have) we begin to think we might have been “short-changed” and start looking for that missing piece.
Just out of curiosity when was the last time you acknowledged emotional pain, or your own goodness; or that you don’t like your kids; you’re secret burning desire to create something or stopped yourself from being compassionate? In other words all the parts that make up life? Everyone’s life is a shit-storm, a kaleidoscope of emotional events where some days are great and others, not so much. And so it goes.
Narcissism begins when you disconnect from a part of yourself first. At the time it’s usually in self-preservation but over time, when it’s safe to come out, you don’t and that’s when you cheat yourself and everyone else around you. It isn’t others short-changing you–it’s you doing it to yourself and those around you.
So, get clear now and have a relationship with yourself first, by accepting who you are in any given moment and allow yourself a full emotional range AND your intellect to be used together as the full and equal partners they are. You know your intellect isn’t the almighty God you (and everyone else thinks it is) you don’t need to be a half, desperately searching for that other half to complete you. Don’t be a Jerry Maguire.
Do that and you’ll discover the real definition of a Holy matrimony.